I've had a lot of quiet contemplating thoughts these past couple of weeks. Realizations, annoyance, nostalgia, and a lot of other thoughts and feelings. I put them below in chronological order.

First, realizations. I realized that I've never been in love. My sister and I talked about it when we Skyped last Sunday and I've been thinking about it a lot lately. I find most romance movies and books are a little silly and unrealistic when it comes to love. Even normal people are a little silly and unrealistic about it. I don't believe in love at first sight. Don't get me wrong, I've liked a lot of people  and I've been attracted to quite a few but those feelings aren't love. They're the beginning, the first step in the right direction, but they aren't the real description of love.

The realization was kind of sad. A little bitter. I know a lot of people who are married, engaged, or on the way to being engaged and it's strange to see them so much in love. I hope I can understand it someday.

Second, annoyance. There's been a lot of drama at work lately. Rumors have been flying and I was done with it. Thankfully, none of the rumors were about me but they were about my coworkers/friends and that's enough to rile me up. I spoke up, stepped on a few tails, and now I have one girl at work that literally refuses to talk to me or look at me. I also get the feeling that she's talking about me behind my back. I can't believe how immature it is. It's like Jr. High all over again.The best way to fight bullying is to act like it doesn't bother you. Besides, she's only there two days out of the week so I'm not too worried about it.

Third, nostalgia. I drank milk tea from a glass tea cup I had bought. I never knew that tea could look so beautiful through a round glass tea cup. So after I drank my tea I decided to make a "list of beautiful things". It was therapeutic and bittersweet and made me think of a lot of things. I'll make sure to type out my list at the end for y'all to read if you want.

Finally, I got a haircut! Yeeeey! It's about time. My hair was starting to do the usual tree-formation. Big on the bottom and straight on the top. Plus, my sister and I are planning on dressing up as the Goldstein sisters from Fantastic Beasts for Comic Con this year so I needed to cut it for that. The hair stylist cut it a little too short but, knowing my hair, it'll grow out to the right length just in time for Comic Con.

I haven't gotten a lot of comments on it but I don't really care. Hair is hair and I can do what I want with it. C:

A List of Beautiful Things
- Milk tea in a glass teacup
- Orange and blue sunsets with streaking clouds
- Crisp, dried flowers
- Overlooking a valley
- Stones of all shapes and sizes
- Being surrounded by Mountains
- My cat's emerald green eyes
- The look of gold against peridot green
- The feeling of brush markers on paper
- My mom's black and silver hair
- The look of paint-stained fingers
- Well used hard cover books
- The leather soft feel of magnolia and rose petals
- Touching the firm backside of my beta fish
- Thick, dried paint on canvas
- Swirling milk when first poured into tea
- My dad's calloused hands
- Green, clear glass
- The musty scent of cave water
- The fire-gold look of a sunset reflected on metal
- The soft fur at the base of a cat's ear
- Feeling the difference between types of paper
- The rumble of a Bass singer
- The roll of foreign words on the tongue
- Touching yards of silk fabrics
- Mountains blazed with sunrise
- My siblings' laughter and how we all sound the same

Hey friends. I have a lot of things to update on.

First off, ACTs are horrible. And math is a menace to society (sorry math people and math teachers out there).

I was finally able to take my ACTs today. I've been dreading them and preparing for them for a few months now and I'm very VERY drained. I'm pretty sure I did well on the English test. I did ok on the reading and science and I did... probably not so great on the math. Plus there were two tests that were math (which I didn't know about) and I had to keep from crying at the end. Seriously, my nerves were on edge all day. I felt so sick in the morning I was barely able to finish my cereal. So, of course, I had an anxiety attack after the test while I was driving home and I sobbed and felt like a horrible person because I can't do math. Thankfully, my sister was there to save the day. C: We talked for a couple of hours and she calmed me down and let me talk about my feelings.

Feeeeeeliiiiiiings.

Yeah, lots of feelings were felt.

Now I just need to wait for the ACTs to be sent to my school and hope that they get sent soon enough that I might be able to get into BYUI's fall semester. Depending on how things work out I'll probably either be moving to Rexburg (for school) or to Pocatello (at my mom's house to save up for school).

I feel like all my decisions in life are just hanging around trying to figure themselves out.

On another note, my car is old. Or she's getting old. In the last two months I've had to do a lot of repairs on my car. First it was my tire, then it was my coolant leaking, and then finally it was a wheel bearing replacement. It's been kind of ridiculous, actually. That's life for you, though.

 So, yeah. It's been a long couple of weeks and I'm really tired. I'm glad that I'm only working part time right now because I don't think I'd be able to deal with this stress if I had a full time job.

Lastly, please pray for my Dad. His girlfriend passed away a few weeks ago and he's been having a really hard time of it. I miss him and I love him and I worry about him. And I know that you're going to read this, Ron, so just know that I love you lots and lots. <3
 
So that's all that's been going on with me. Hope ya'll are doing well out there in interwebs land!