So this week has been a week were I've just bitten the bullet on a lot of things.

First thing's first I decided that, yes, I am going to go to college. Right now the plan is to get a degree in Graphic Design because, let's be honest, the only way I'm ever going back to school is if I'm going to school for art. Honestly, I've had a lot of family and friends who have berated me on the positives and negatives of going to college and, honestly again, they didn't really need to. I've been weighing out those positives and negatives for five years now since I graduated in 2012. At first when my career councilor asked me about my future I was a little hesitant to even think about college because, come on, that's 2-4 years of your life but then I got thinking about how I've been avoiding college for 5 years already. What's another 4 years?

Second, I left my job at the daycare. Sort of. I moved from full time teacher in the after schooler's class to a fill in (which is, like, severe part time) but I have a feeling I'll only be there every now and then so it's basically like leaving and when I start school I'll be so busy I won't have any time. While I was leaving I was surprised by how many of my coworkers wanted to stay friends with me. I've never been friends with coworkers before. I've been friendly but never full on "hang out" kind of friends.

Here's a picture of the flowers and chocolate my head teacher/friend gave me with the coloring book and colored pencils one of the after schooler's gave me because I was leaving:

I can't even say how much these things meant to me. First of all, this is only the second time in my life someone has ever given me a bouquet. The first time I got a bouquet was from my dad, Ron, who bought me orange roses for mother's day because I told him no one had ever given me flowers before. For me, bouquets are very very special. Second, this after schooler girl kept in mind the fact that I love art and that I love foxes when giving me her gift.

It's the little things in life.

Alright, here it is, the third bullet I had to chew and swallow. My phone that I've had for 8 years was finally showing signs of imminent death. I called my dad up to get the ok and I went and got an iPhone. To most people this is something to celebrate over but for me it was a very hard decision. Why? Because it's not all my money. My phone is on my Dad's plan.

 I'm sure your immediate thought is "Wow R'ki you can't even stand on your own two feet and have your own phone plan?" but here's the thing- I am only just barely living on my own for the first time. And just for your information no, I'm not comfortable having my Dad pay for my phone expenses. Relying on people is very hard for me because it makes me feel like a burden. My Father loves me. Helping me when I'm struggling is one way he shows me that he loves me.

After I got the phone I immediately called Ron and we switched to face time. That was the first time I have seen my Father's face in over 7 months. When I saw my eagle painting up on the wall behind him I just started crying. My parents have given me everything in life and I am so grateful for that.

So on a positive note here are pictures of my new iPhone! And, yes, ok, I'm a little excited about it. C:

Of course it already has fingerprints all over it. This thing is going to drive my OCD up the wall. XD Just kidding.

Hello friends!
So this last week was pretty great. I even made a video for it! Who would've thought?? Hahah it's my very first vlog post for my blog so I'm pretty excited about it. I made it on Saturday when the day was sooooo nice.

So go ahead and watch before reading. I'm sorry if I'm very boring- I'm still getting used to this whole blogging/vlogging thing. I also need to learn how to cut videos in movie maker without getting mad at it.

Sooooo to fill in some of the stuff outside of the video believe it or not soon after my visit to the graveyard (yes I'm in a very lovely graveyard- I love it actually it's one of my favorite places) a friend from work saw my "woe is me I have no friends" depressing post on facebook and texted me and invited me to go with her and some people to 17 Mile Cave. I had no clue what 17 Mile Cave was.

So I went and it was really fun (although I'll admit I was tired and awkward for some of it) and if you ever decide to go I suggest taking a flashlight and a very strong man with you. It was beautifully huge but is, unfortunately, a popular spot for stupid teenagers. Although, I admit, I really liked the look of how all the graffiti sparkled when the light hit it. Just don't look at the graffiti too closely. XD;

Here was a picture of our group at the cave:

And no, I am not 13 in this photo even though it looks like I am. C:

Also, funny story I forgot to mention, last week my mom and I went out to dinner and the lady checking us in asked if we wanted a kids menu as well. To which I smiled and assured her that I was actually 22. She admitted that she thought I was 10. Although, to be honest, it's not the first time I've been asked if I want a kids menu at a restaurant. Maybe I should start saying yes. Is the kids menu cheaper?

And finally here's a photo of my candy eggs~ I made two because there were extra. C: (they're the ones on the sides with the green bunny and the egg) The other two are my sister's and her roommate's.

Then there are some photos from the zoo! Thank goodness I have a fabu camera! 8D I'll probably add the rest of the photos on facebook for y'all to look at.

 

So this week has been pretty crazy but that doesn't mean that I can't look fabulous anyways! So on Thursday I sort of gave my two weeks notice to my current job. I say "sort of" because I plan on staying on as a fill in for when I'm available.

Quitting my job was not an easy decision. There are some aspects of my job that I absolutely love! Knowing that I'm leaving the kids there, my kids, has been hard. On Wednesday I called up my best friend Megan and told her about my dilemma and she said something to the point of "R'ki, they aren't puppies, you can't take them home, you aren't happy, you need to move on." Which is exactly what I needed to hear.

Really, I already knew what she was going to say. Heck, I've been telling myself the exact same thing for the last couple of months. Still, it was nice to hear it from someone else. I decided to stay at the daycare as a fill in because, more then anything, I don't want to completely disappear from these kids lives. They're all really amazing kids and they've helped me learn and grow a lot. I have learned sooooo much from them.

For those of you who don't know I've been working on a series of drawings of Christ's hands. Recently, I made this one:

It's called "Child of God." When I first started working at the daycare I really struggled. I had a hard time with the kids and it felt like all of the kids were out to get me. In reality, I think they were just as nervous about meeting me as I was meeting them. Over these last couple of months I've learned that you can't judge a child based on your first impression of them. Rowdy boys can be supportive and tender, sweet little girls can be real brats when they want to be, and some of the kids that really struggle with processing can be the most sincere when giving compliments.

I had the chance to see their potential and to see them how Heavenly Father sees them.

Ever since Halloween when I dressed up as (a poor excuse of) a fox my daycare kids have known that my favorite animal is a fox and that my favorite color is orange. One of my older kids made this for me yesterday. She finished it and put it on the teacher table and didn't say anything until I noticed it sitting there. I hope these kids realize how much their small gifts mean to me. Every art I've received I've kept. I have two little shoe boxes that are my "memory boxes" and every art gets folded up and carefully put with the rest of my precious memories.

My heart breaks knowing that I'm leaving but I also know now that I want to be a Mom more then anything. I'm so grateful to these kids for helping me see that.

Life this morning was rough. I wanted a good, bright, sun-shiny Saturday and that's not really what I got. I called my mom three times this morning all with varying degrees of feelings. Thankfully, she was more then willing to let me drive and stay at her house. So I went to my apartment and packed as fast as I could and as soon as I started driving I saw this huge, dark, thundering rain cloud. I thought I would be bothered by the cloud but I wasn't.

I kept thinking "I will drive through this storm."

The storm itself reminded me of Louisiana, my home away from home. The storm I drove through today was abrupt and a little strange but it was nothing like the tornadoes I've driven through. Then, as I thought some more, I realized that maybe this was God trying to tell me something.

This week has been tough. I've really been struggling. It was like God was telling me that I've been through worse things. I've driven through bigger storms. I can get through this.

When I got to my Mom's we made pancakes. Our cat, Baby, followed me around as soon as I got there. She doesn't usually try to sit on my lap while we're eating but I think she could tell I was still emotional from my rough morning. My mom laughs and says in her "Baby voice" how she's (my Mom) Big Mom and I'm Little Mom. Baby doesn't like sweet things but she was really curious about the syrup I was pouring on my pancakes. It felt good to be home and to be with people who love me.

I'm awkward about sharing my music. OuO"

No seriously, though. So I've been writing music here and there ever since I was a little kid but I've always been a little embarrassed about it. The reason why I was always embarrassed was because I can't really read music and I can't any instruments very well so I always thought I was inferior to other artists. Whenever inspiration struck I would get out my mom's old recorder (she gave it to me when I was in children's choir) or I would record on the stupid recorder on my phone.

Here's two songs I recorded recently on my computer and my friend edited to get rid of background noise. XD

The first one "Pray Mother Pray" I wrote the day my friend Megan went to the hospital to have her baby. I was really nervous about seeing my nephew and I was scared for her and I thought a lot about her and about my own mother and the things that my mother went through in raising 5 kids by herself. So "Pray Mother Pray" was written for both Megan and my mother.

The second song is called "Summer and Snow." I tried to make it upbeat and fun. It was written for my friend Erica who was having a hard time. I'd recently moved to Idaho and we were both depressed about it and the fact that I couldn't drive up to Montana to visit her because there was so much snow. I tried to comfort her by promising that I would go up and see her as soon as the snow melted.

Pray Mother Pray on Tumblr
Summer and Snow on Tumblr